Imagine Being The Guy Who Wrote The SI "Your 2017 World Series Champions" Article About The Astros In 2014?

After that final out, like Cinderella at midnight, I would immediately become the most insufferable person in the world (yeah, I’ve got another level I could hit). I mean, I’m talking levels that is previously unimaginable on planet earth. I’d celebrate harder than every Astro on the roster and Len Bias combined. I go bananas when I casually say some shit like “Feel like we’re gonna have a big Dion Lewis game this week” and I’m kinda right or if I pick the right 12 over 5 upset during March Madness, if I predicted the goddamn World Series champ of 2017 while still living in 2014 then my cover story had the MVP of that World Series pictured? I’d go full Kanye for the rest of my life… UH UH YOU CAN’T TELL ME NOTHIN. I’d have business cards printed that said “perfectly predicts the future,” I’d change my name to Baseball’s Biggest Genius, I wouldn’t sleep for weeks because I’d be searching every “lol” tweet response to this article so I could tell each and every one of those people to suck my brilliant dick. I’d be dead by Christmas and it would all be worth it, because I’d die the smartest man who ever lived.